It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything on here and as much as that disappoints me, I know the reason for it is fair.
I’ve had a heavy load this semester when it comes to responsibilities and the term has flown by. It truly feels like spring semester just began.
But that couldn’t be farther from the truth as there are only a few weeks left until summer break.
As excited as I am to be done with this school year, I know that I still have a lot of work to do before I finish up.
And a lot of the work I need to do revolves around myself.
I haven’t taken care of my own mind and body this year. I’ve found myself drowning in the ever-growing To Do list. I’ve allowed myself to be in the middle of a lot of conflict. And ultimately, I’ve ignored the voice in my head that says to take a step back. From all of it.
Because taking a step back hardly ever seems like an option. If I take a step back, I fail. Things don’t get done. Friends don’t have people to talk to. Work falls flat. Grades drop. Jobs become less of a priority.
I stumble and fall. I hurt and cry. Silently, so no one knows. I become trapped in my own mind. What is happening? Why can’t I get ahold of myself? This isn’t the plan.
Well, things don’t go to plan when the first step is ignored. When the first step is to be healthy.
So while I may have stumbled and fallen, I know I’m not alone. I have support all around me. And that definitely means my family, and best friends, who are a phone call away. My support at school, the friends I’ve made who will drop what they’re doing to check on me. Bosses and professors. I am so incredibly lucky to have all of these people.
But the ultimate support isn’t a call or text away. He is a prayer for guidance, a song of worship, I plea for help when I feel like I just can’t go on.
“God is within her, she will not fall.” – Psalms 46:5
A verse that has meant so much to me for years and means so much more to me now. When I’m close to the lowest I’ve ever found myself.
It’s not always easy calling out to Him for help. Especially when life gets in the way and you fall behind in your walk. But even if you fall behind and find yourself trying to catch up with prayers, devotionals, readings, Sunday’s at church…one thing never changes.
He is ALWAYS there. Even if you aren’t. Even if you’re so caught up in life, haunted by your own demons. He will be there when you open your eyes and ask for help.
I’m opening my eyes to the love and guidance that’s He’s been waiting to give me. And it feels like coming home after being away for months too long. I am so grateful for this love and passion that He provides to me! God is here and alive in me. And He is next to me as I work on making myself the best I can be.
And I couldn’t be happier.