hold on to those good old days

Days seem to keep slipping by.

I’m in my early twenties, should be taking advantage of every minute of each day. But instead, I find myself staring at the ceiling sometimes, just drained – mentally and physically – from the day.

Now, a lot of my friends feel this way. We’re so caught up in being exhausted that things are going by too quickly. Some of my friends are graduating this year. I’m in my junior year, preparing to go into my final year of college. These are times that should be breezing by due to the fun that we are having, not because we are so wrapped up in our schedules that we forget what day it is sometimes.

Unfortunately, being busy is kind of a priority these days, as long as you want some type of future in your career. Albeit, that isn’t true for everyone, but for a lot of us, that is the life track we’re on. Am I on the right one? No clue.

I’ll find out eventually.

But I don’t want to just breeze through these days in my life. These are the days that we are going to look back on, and when I look back on my years in college, I don’t want to think, “wow I never stopped to take a breath.”

So, I’m trying to change that.

I need money but sometimes feel like working during the week is going to take me over the edge and I might crack under the demands of my schedule. So, I try to find the compromise that helps me balance taking care of myself mentally but also bringing in some kind of money.

I got a tattoo with a group of friends, because why the hell not. Sure, should I have saved that money? Probably, but every now and then, it’s okay to give yourself something. We deserve some kind of happiness, so if I wanted to give myself something special, so be it.

Sometimes, I honestly have no idea what I am doing. Do I want to apply to these internships and jobs over summer? Do I want to move home after I graduate? Do I want to continue with school and get my masters in another field? The same field? Are people going to think I’m being ridiculous doing that?

Well, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. At times, it doesn’t even matter what I think. Because half of the time, the words that are going through my head in regards to myself are self-deprecating. Condescending. Everything that I tell others not to think about themselves, I do it.

I’m a hypocrite. It’s a great flaw. But I’m human and I’m working on it.

Sometimes the pain is too much to handle. I feel like I’m slipping through cracks that appear out of nowhere and every day, a new hurdle pops up that I need to jump over. I keep thinking I can help everyone around me, but odds are, I can’t.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I can’t help all of the people around me and I definitely cannot always help myself. That’s where reaching out to others comes in.

I plan to take a moment during the day and appreciate who is in my life. What is around me. Because even if I am struggling, I know I have luxuries that others do not. So I will be grateful for what I have, remember to keep living my life and not letting the important memories slip by. And the utmost priorty, remembering to ask for help.

It’ll be a learning process, but I can do it. And if I can do it, so can you.

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